Holding on and Letting Go
by Nizhoni
Summary: It took one sudden moment to bring them together and another to nearly rip them apart, yet somehow Jack and Rose have survived the sinking. Will the two lovers now be able adjust to life after the Titanic, even with all odds stacked against them? Meanwhile Cal, driven by a dark obsession, refuses to believe Rose went down with the ship and will stop at nothing to learn the truth.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hi there readers, so this is my first Titanic fanfiction but I have so much planned for it. It will be a multi-chapter take on Jack and Rose's relationship after the sinking. Follow them as they begin building an unfamiliar life together, and adjust to every hardship thrown there way. There will be a lot of romance, drama, angst and even some action so if you enjoy that sort of thing then I suggest you keep checking back regularly for updates. Any reviews would be much appreciated, it keeps me motivated and I'd love to get some feedback from readers. Thanks for reading everyone, and I hope you all stick around! I'll do my best to update as regularly as I can. With that said, enjoy!**

Chapter 1: Never Letting Go

It seemed an eternity ago when he had snuck up behind her as she straddled the stern of the once great ship. Her hands, which were heavy on the rail, had been the only measure keeping her secure as she debated whether or not to ignore her high-class obligations and hurl herself into the black abyss of the ocean. He had been there to pull her back that day, to keep her from giving up on a life she had yet to really live. At the time he had been nothing more then a kind stranger. In the days to follow, he was the man who ignited passion in her she never knew could exist. He had shown her that there was more to life then socialite gossip and luncheons. That a man's worth was not measured by his politics or wealth, but by his experiences as a human being. Jack Dawson was more human then anyone she had ever met.

Till Jack, her entire life had been ruled by status and appearances. It had been the very stress of needing to maintain their elite lifestyle that had drove her father to take his own life. It was the need to keep up the appearance that made her mother force Rose to engage Cal. With Jack, she had hope that things could be different. That though the future could be unpredictable and shaky it could also be like Jack was, thrilling and her own.

Like Jack had told her, she had fire that was worth keeping ignited. She wasn't ready to give that up. She wasn't ready to give him up. Not now. Why when he had just entered her life was he being taken away? It was cruel really, to think that love had somehow found it's way to her when it wasn't supposed to. It was like fate was catching up to them, recognizing that two people from such different worlds were never meant to be together. Not happily every after anyway.

For every moment that the lifeboats stalled in the distance nearby meant even longer they'd be left in the water and with each breath that escaped their lips, a little life escaped as well.

Lying on the raft with her hand clasped in Jack's, all she could think about was the promise she had made him, to never let go…but they were dying. She knew it, and Jack had to know it as well.

How was she supposed to keep that promise to him, when every part of her wanted to close her eyes and slip away into darkness?

Jack was wrong that night on the ship. He had told her the worst part about falling into the water would be the pain. It wasn't the pain that was the worst part. It was not feeling the pain. It had only taken minutes for the chill of the ocean to prickle into their nerves, sheath its way deep into their skin and turn every part of her numb. She could barely feel anything anymore, and that is what scared her the most. She didn't want to forget the touch of Jack's hand in her own and she tried to ignore the realization that his thumb was no longer caressing her skin the way it had been a few moments ago. She couldn't see his face as she lay on her back, staring into the night sky. She didn't dare turn to look at him, for fear what she might find. Instead she stared straight up, willing her eyes to remain open.

In any other situation it might have been a beautiful night on the North Atlantic. The stars, which were bright with yellow light, flickered in clusters above them. The ocean had stilled to an eerie calmness with only a few desperate murmurs from the lonely survivors and there was a crisp, calm breeze running its way over the ocean surface. She exhaled a strained breath, a puff of fog forming around her lips as the words to the song Jack had sung to her in the early evening found its way into her mind.

"Come Josephine in my flying machine. Going up she goes, up she goes…"

She sung quietly to him and to the other survivors wishing she could be like the woman in the song and fly off to some remarkable new world known only to her and Jack. She pierced her lips and closed her eyes, feeling the tears, which threatened to fall already beginning to freeze along the brim of her eyes before they could. For a moment the whir of the wind in her ears was all the sound that surrounded her until the slightest tremble of a whisper sang behind her.

"…Ba-balance y-yourself like a b-bird on a beam."

Rose's eyes opened slowly. His voice had been weak, barely audible. She almost believed she had imagined it.

"In the a-air she goes. Th-there she goes."

Despite herself, a stiff smile of pure joy pulled at the corner of her lips. The simple gesture caused her discomfort, as the ice around her jawline broke apart in thin cracks. She didn't care. Jack was still alive, he was a survivor, it didn't matter how little time they might have. All that mattered was in that moment, Jack was listening and singing back and it was all she needed to keep going.

…


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Holding On

"Jack…"

There it was again, her voice, his name, and the sound of it so soft and resonant in his mind. Hearing her speak was the most wonderful thing he ever heard. Except, she sounded so distant from him. It was as if she were miles away, like a fog had pushed its way between them and he was lost in it. He had no idea how to fight his way back to her. Her fingers dug deeply into his arms, shaking him. Her breath was icy against his skin, begging him to open his eyes. Yet, try as he might every part of him remained still, refusing to cooperate.

She was so far away from him now.

"Jack…Jack!" She urged, an anxious sob catching in her throat. "There's a boat Jack." Her tone appeared to fill with a frightful realization.

A boat? He wondered if he heard her correctly. It seemed impossible that after all this time a boat could actually be coming back for them. Until now he was resigned in believing that he would die here, frozen in the ocean while holding the hand of the woman he loved. It would have been a brilliant way to go. Though he prayed with everything inside of him that Rose would somehow pull through. He never thought to do the same for himself. He never expected to live. Not before her.

So much had happened that had propelled him to this point.

It was a fire that had stolen his parents from him, which had forced Jack to survive on his own much too soon. At the time he was only fifteen, just a pitiful kid unable to rescue the two most important people in his life when they truly needed him. He had never felt so helpless before. After their death, he fled. Leaving behind Chippewa Falls without so much as a backwards glance, determined to live life to the fullest the way his parents could not. He made it day-by-day, travelling and making money where he could with his artwork. Jack relied on no one, nor did he ever want anyone relying on him. It was a life he had grown accustomed to, one that he preferred. That all changed with a lucky hand at poker and one astounding red head. Rose had shown him that it was alright for him to care about someone other than himself again. He was thankful for her because of that.

In many ways, he believed she was stronger then he was. While he had chosen to run from his past, Rose had stood up to Cal, disowned her upbringing and elected to follow her own path. She had jumped head first without hesitation, sacrificing so much to be with him. In all his travels, he never encountered any person quite like her. She was someone he admired because she made him question everything he had ever lived by. More than anything, he wanted to live for her. He only wished that were a possibility.

From the very moment the Titanic began its decent into the ocean, Jack had stopped caring about his own wellbeing. He made it his purpose to ensure Rose would be the survivor this time. Even if it meant she'd be surviving without him. Only then could he rest easy knowing she would go on living for the two of them and do all the things that they had planned to do while still on the deck of Titanic.

A small glimmer of light flashed across his closed eyelids, passing quickly.

"Jack…please wake up Jack! The boat is leaving." She shook his arm once more, frantic, causing his near lifeless body to sway against the ripples circling the raft.

He wanted to open his eyes and tell her it was alright to go on without him. That he would die happy knowing she never forgot her promise. Only he couldn't. Something dark was pulling at him, clutching tightly and refusing to let him free. When he listened for her voice again he heard nothing. Silence.

It was in that moment Jack realized how terrified he truly was. Not because he feared death's brutal hand, but because Rose had gone quiet. She had stopped fighting. He felt her rest her head back down on his arm, and he wanted more than anything to scream at her from the top of his lungs with frustration.

" _Don't be so stubborn Rose! Call the boats back. Live, you need to live goddamn it!"_

The ocean had taken nearly everything from him; his lungs were collapsing, his heart beating slower with each passing instant. A dense cloud began to build between his ears, the thickness plucking away at his consciousness. He couldn't let the same fate befall Rose. She was greater than that. Desperately he began to search his mind for any moment he could latch onto to keep himself present.

Memories surged chaotically in his mind, dozens of different images coming into focus behind his eyelids. He thought of their first meeting, Rose's laughter as they twirled in third class, her arms outstretched and flying as he held her and sang to her at the ship's bow. Finally there was just the beauty of her emerald coloured eyes, as they stared intensely and deeply into his while they made love. He held onto this memory with everything he could, unable to say goodbye to her yet, not until he knew Rose had made it.

" _Please…"_ he prayed to himself. _"Do not give up."_

Just then he felt Rose turn her head, lifting her chin off of his arm just slightly.

"Come back!" She squeaked. Her voice, which was weak and harshened from the cold barely made a shudder of sound against the whir of water surrounding them.

Jack's heart leapt. _That was his girl!_ He wished he could cry out with pride, knowing now Rose had never forgotten her promise. He felt almost foolish for believing she had.

"Come back!" She wailed again. "Come back! Come back!"

It occurred to him almost instantly that Rose could still be in danger. Even if she yelled till her throat bled, not a single effort would make any difference if the boat were still to far away to hear her.

He cursed inwardly at the White Star Line for putting them in this situation; to the iceberg that had buckled the ship, to the boats that still remained in the distance while they waited for death, and more than anything he cursed himself for once more being powerless to save someone he loved.

The pull of the darkness seemed almost alluring now.

" _Rose, I let you down…"_ he thought, knowing it was only a matter of seconds before he slipped away entirely.

He felt Rose take hold of his wrist, her fingertips pressing deeply into his skin as she began to pull her hand free from his.

He couldn't blame her from wanting to be apart from him. He only hoped that when they did meet again she could forgive him.

With a shatter of ice between their palms, they came undone. He heard Rose let out a sob pulling his hands toward her lips. "I'll never let go…I promise." When she kissed him, her lips were cold but tender against his knuckles.

He expected for her to release him then. That he would drift slowly, beneath the depths of the Atlantic and eventually fade into obscurity.

Only her hold on him never faltered. Instead she took his collar in her hand and with a firm grip, and all the effort she could muster, Rose forced herself sideways and right off the edge of the raft.

With a dense splash, she entered the water. He heard her breathing grow more ragged as tired gasps of pain and struggle passed between her lips while she pushed forward.

 _What was she doing?_

He felt himself being pulled through the water, the liquid separating in protest against his body.

It was then that Jack realized Rose had no intention of letting him slip away peacefully. Whatever her plan was, she was taking him with her.

" _No! Rose you need to save your strength. It's okay to let me go. Just let me go!"_

She was practically breathless now as she coursed through the water.

He heard the heavy thud of her hand hitting something solid. The water splashed loudly around them as she clambered onto the piece of debris.

There was a dull clink of something metal and then almost as forcibly as the iceberg hit the ship, the sound of a whistle pierced through the silence of the North Atlantic, echoing loudly. The shriek so sudden and haunting was enough to draw all the attention from those still floating in the lifeboats toward them.

"Come About!" was the last thing Jack could make sense of. It meant the lifeboats had heard her and that they were coming. Knowing now that Rose would be safe, he finally allowed the night to overtake him.

…

 **A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I know there wasn't much story progression from Chapter 1, but I wanted to write this scene from both Rose and Jack's perspective before I could move forward. Hopefully I did them justice. I'd love to hear what you all have to say, any reviews would be much appreciated! Till next time guys, thank you so much for reading, following and reviewing! I'll update as soon as I can.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hello readers, here is the newest chapter for Holding on and Letting Go. It's a bit long, but I really loved writing it. If you have time to leave any reviews please do, they are much appreciated. I'd also like to point out that any historical depiction of events/characters related to the Titanic/Carpathia are purely creative licence here and my writing does not reflect any actual events that may have taken place. With that said, thank you for any reviews, follows and favs and I hope you all enjoy!**

Chapter 3: Waiting in a Dream

An agonizing amount of time had passed in silence, while those who survived in the lifeboats drifted away aimlessly from the surrounding waters of the sinking. By 4:00am, the first sight of hope seemed to peak over the darkened horizon as what looked like the pointed bow of a large steamship cut through the Ocean at a wild pace, making its way toward them. By 9:00am the last boat was found, and 705 people had been taken aboard the RMS Carpathia. The ship had arrived two hours after the Titanic had already floundered. It's new home was now at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean. With it, more than half the souls it first departed from Southampton with had perished.

To the crew of Carpathia, the scene appeared to them as some kind of phantasmal and nightmarish reality. All that was left of Titanic's existence was that of its doomed passengers. Their bodies, which were still floating in the Ocean, were of those who had been lucky enough to obtain a life vest but were unlucky enough to suffer a much slower death than drowning. They remained frozen in time, still clutching to those around them.

Rose Dewitt Bukater had not been among those individuals, though just a few hours ago, she was convinced she would be.

Because of _him_ , she had survived.

Now she sat alone on a small bench, a thick shroud wrapped around her shoulders, as she took in the disorder around her. She was on the lower deck of the Carpathia, amidst the steerage survivors. Though her time in the water had long passed the chill in her body had not, and she was grateful to have her hands wrapped around the warm mug of tea that a woman had handed to her upon boarding.

The sound of despair was heavily spread across the ship as countless names were cried out to a swarm of unknown woman, men and children. Many searched for there loved ones, though with each unanswered call their efforts grew more and more morose.

"Isn't there another passenger list?" A woman cried behind Rose. "Perhaps he's on another ship?"

"We're doing all we can mam. I'm so sorry."

"But there has got to be another passenger list!"

Rose listened unwillingly, wanting so badly to silence the sound of despair, which pounded incessantly like a hammer to a nail in her brain. She began to wonder about all the children who had lost their parents, and about the men who had been forced to say goodbye on the ship so suddenly. What had happened to those trapped by the gates? And what of the families who lost their breadwinners, how would they survive now?

Than there were her friends. She had only known some of them for as long as the ship had been afloat. However to think that their smiling faces would forever remain but a distant memory in her head filled Rose with unimaginable sorrow.

 _All of them are gone. Fabritizo, Tommy, Mr. Andrews, Trudy…and Jack._

She remembered his face, cold and motionless with ice lacing his features. She closed her eyes and shook her head trying to push the thought to the farthest reaches of her mind. The presence of death and loss was weighing down and she refused to indulge the thought of losing him as well.

"Rose!"

Her eyes shot open. The sound of her name being called made her suddenly alert with a new kind of fear.

"No…" she whispered, her heart falling deep into her chest. He couldn't have found her. Not here, with the third class passengers. She knew if she turned she'd expect to find a spiteful Cal standing behind her.

Would he try and harm her? She doubted it, not with so many witnesses around them. Could she feasibly run from him the same way she and Jack had run from Lovejoy? Perhaps, but the Carpathia though smaller than Titanic was new to her, and she knew nothing about navigating her way around the ship. Her limbs, still weak from the elements would do little to help her get far enough away to hide from him.

Accepting the inevitable, she begrudgingly turned to face him, unsure what to anticipate from their reunion. To her surprise Cal stood a few feet away, staring sadly into the eyes of another woman. Her hair, nearly as vibrant as Rose's could have easily been mistaken for her. He seemed speechless for a moment, appearing as though the air had been sucked from his lungs. A deep frown spread across his lips and he turned away from the woman, dragging his feet.

Rose kept a curious gaze on him, pulling the blanket away from her face just enough to remain hidden.

He paced slowly to one end of the ship, taking hold of a support rope and glancing back and forth between the survivors. He hesitated for a few moments as though hoping she might suddenly make herself known, before finally hanging his head in defeat and walking away.

Rose let out the breath she hadn't realized till now she had been holding, unsure what to make of the display she had just witnessed. Cal had always been one for theatrics, feeling the constant need to prove to everyone in their social circle how happy he and Rose had been together, even when he sensed she had been melancholy. Yet watching him now, she felt something was off. There was no reason for him to play the role of a forlorn fiancé. He no longer had an audience to watch his show. Yet, it all appeared so convincing. She had never seen Cal wear his emotions on his shoulder the way he had just now. She almost believed that he was sincerely heartbroken about her _death._

It wasn't enough to make her want to go after him. Nothing could make her want to do that. Though for a moment, she felt empathy for Cal in a way she never had. Perhaps that was the best way for her to remember him and say goodbye.

She lifted the mug to her lips; her arms shook as a gust of cool air picked up around her. She allowed the liquid to mull its way through her body, running warmly through her throat and into her stomach, causing her insides to tingle.

"Miss…"Another voice spoke behind her.

Rose knew immediately whom the voice belonged to. It had been the last sound she heard before being rescued, the one that restored all hope in her and Jack's survival. When she turned she was met with the gentle gaze of the officer who had pulled her and Jack from the water.

"Hello," he said.

Rose simply stared at him, seeming to make the man more nervous. He reached for his hat, pulling it from his head, and held it to his chest. He had a thick head of cleanly cut dark hair, and youthful pointed features, which were well pronounced and handsome. Rose had trouble believing that a man so young could have risen to such a high position on the Titanic. He seemed unsure of himself as he stared back at her.

"May I take a seat?" the man asked, gesturing with his hat toward the space beside Rose.

She hesitated for a moment, a part of her wanted to decline his request. In all honesty, she wished she could be alone and collect herself in peace. Though feeling his eyes still on her, Rose reluctantly nodded and adjusted her position to make room for him to sit down.

He smiled, taking the place she had made.

For a moment they sat in silence, lost in the crisp blue sky and the sun as it peaked through the thick wisp of clouds. The rays of light, which had an ironic heavenly feel to them, reflected off the water and sparkled like a diamond-covered vale across the ocean.

"What can I help you with Officer?" Rose finally began, continuing to stare forward. Her throat, which was still dry from the ocean air, had come out harsher then she intended. Though she made no effort to soften her expression in an effort to redeem herself. A part of her was still angered for having been left in the water for so long and she blamed him and the other Officers for that.

"Harold," The man stated, seeming undeterred.

Rose turned to the man in confusion, wondering how he could feel the need to establish formalities between them. Especially after everything they had gone through. With her lips pulled into a straight line, she corrected herself, "Officer Harold."

The Officer shook is head. "No, My name is Harold Lowe, but please just call me Harold."

Rose's jaw relaxed, "Harold it is then."

"Seems wrong don't it, to have such a beautiful day follow such calamity?" A hint of disgust seemed to run across his tongue.

Rose watched the man intently, humming in agreement.

"I was wandering along the deck, helping with passenger checks and I saw you sitting here. I didn't mean to disturb you, and I assure you I don't plan to take up much of your time but I suppose that I just needed to make sure you are doing okay?"

 _Okay?_

She felt agitation bubble in her stomach at the glibness in his words. How could she be okay? After nearly freezing to death in the Ocean, the man she loved was still fighting for his life, and it was all because of the negligence of Titanic's crewman. When she looked at the Officer, she was reminded of what she had almost lost and of what she could still lose. It didn't matter that he had saved her. Rose felt she owed this man nothing, especially not her time.

She made a motion to get up and felt a hand on her shoulder, keeping her in place. When she looked back she was met with Harold's distressed gawk.

"I'm so sorry Miss. I didn't mean to offend you in anyway. Of course you aren't okay after such a traumatic event. I don't know how I could have said that. Please, I-I just hope you can forgive me. Really I meant no disrespect. "

Seeing him stammer, Rose was suddenly perplexed. A moment ago she had been ready to walk away from him, and now it was as if she was watching him fall apart before her eyes. She could sense his genuine concern for her, and it made her feel guilty for having doubted his integrity. She took a breath, checking her emotions and placed a hand on Harold's knee. The simple gesture appeared to calm them both, and for the first time Rose could feel something inside her easing.

"I don't mean to be aloof with you," she said, trying to explain herself. "It's just, I don't know how to feel right now. A part of me is furious with God for letting this happen and at the crew for the way they handled everything.

"And my boat…for waiting to long to come back?"

Rose nodded, "I keep thinking about all the lives that could have been saved if perhaps it had just been a few minutes earlier. If the other boats had bothered to come back at all."

Harold closed his eyes." We were cowards," he spat. "Pathetic excuses for crewman; only worried about ourselves." When he opened his eyes they were filled with tears. "Those screams, they will haunt me for the rest of my days. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself after last night and I'll always have to live with that."

As much as she wanted stay angry with this man for the events following the sinking, Rose couldn't find it in herself to keep blaming him. Not only did he ensure that those in his lifeboats had been transferred safely; he also managed to pull six people from the frigid water. Her and Jack included. Though the memory of the Titanic would always loom over the three of them like a dark plague, it was because of his decision to come back for them that she and Jack weren't left still floating miles away on the raft. Seeing the deep earnest in Harold's eyes, she felt a tremendous need to reassure him that he was not the monster he had made himself out to be.

"I would not be here right now if you and the other officers in your boat hadn't made the choice you did."

Harold took a deep breath. "I hope that was enough."

"You saved us," Rose stated matter-of-factly. "You were the only boat to come back, please don't forget that."

"I am grateful we found you when we did."

They sat together, finding a simple relief in the other's presence. As ridiculous as it was, this stranger seemed to be the closest thing she had left to a friend, besides Jack. She was glad she hadn't allowed her anger to get the best of her enough to chase him away.

"If you don't mind me asking Miss, what happened to the young man you were with?"

Rose bit the inside of her lip, thinking back the events that had followed their rescue and the way Jack had suddenly been rushed off. "He's in the infirmary."

"Have you gone to seen him?"

She shook her head, hating herself for having to be away from him. "When we boarded, they took him away so quickly. I followed, but there was so much commotion. I was pushed out by one of the Officers. He told me they needed to clear the space for the worst of the worst." She spoke quietly, letting her words linger in the air for a moment.

Her heart ached to think Jack was considered one of the worser cases. When they had yanked him out of the water, most of the crew believed they were hauling up a corpse. They couldn't find a pulse, his skin felt stiff, and he showed no signs of waking up. It was Harold who had tugged his badge from his chest, placing it under Jack's nose. The slightest trace of fog had formed over the metal, confirming he was still alive. By some miracle, his breathing, though slow and shallow, was present. The officers did there best to keep him warm, wrapping him in stratums of life vests, and blankets. After that, all she could do was lie beside him and hold him close while she prayed.

Harold's shook his head in bewilderment. "That's ludicrous, how can someone keep you from entering the infirmary?"

"You haven't seen the guard, truly relentless he is." She sighed, "Maybe its best I'm not in the way."

She had trouble believing her own words. She knew there was no better place for her than by Jack's side. If he really was teetering on the precipice between life and death, she might be the only person who could pull him back. After all, hadn't he done the same for her?

"Would you like to see him?"

Rose perked up, her eyes widening with interest as she turned to the man beside her. "Of course I would, but I've already tried-

"I can take you."

"You would do that?"

"I don't have any official authority on this Ship, but my position might help sway this Officer a bit."

Rose smiled widely, feeling a tremendous thanks to the man sitting beside her. "Yes!" She answered excitedly, surprised to find that for the first time since rescue, she could smile. "Yes please, I'd love that."

Harold stood, placing his hat back on his head and held an arm out for Rose to take. "Well than Miss, shall we?"

She took his arm, relying on the firmness of his body to steady her shaking limbs as she stood and allowed him to lead her toward Carpathia's infirmary.

…

The Officer who had first refused Rose access to the infirmary stood, arms crossed, resolutely blocking their pathway to the entrance. He was a stout man, with a swollen face, course beard and tiny eyes that gave him the appearance that he was always glaring. Rose would be lying if she said this man didn't make her nervous. She hadn't realized how hard she had been squeezing Harold's arm till she felt him place his palm on her hand, in an effort to calm her.

Jack was on the other side of that door, she was so close to him and this man was the only obstacle standing between them. If she were strong enough, she would have already barrelled past him and forced her way through.

The gruff man's eyes seemed to land on her as they approached, instant recognition flashing across his face. Many times she had already tried to sneak past him, each attempt to no avail.

"I told you, there is no room for visitors right now."

Rose gulped; swallowing the many profanities she had conjured in her head about the man. "I only need a few minutes please-"

He shook his head, "Out of the question, come back in a few hours when things have calmed down."

Rose hand dropped from Harold's arm, she felt utterly defeated. Another Officer's presence was not enough to make the guard change his mind. Now Harold was going to have to escort her back to the deck where all she could do was wait as Jack remained here, slowly slipping farther away from her.

She turned to leave and she felt Harold's hand on her arm, stopping her.

"Sir, my name is Harold Lowe, I was the Fifth Officer to the RMS Titanic." Harold introduced himself firmly, his eyes staring intensely into the other man's. His previous gentle nature seemed to have been replaced by a man of more confidence, one ruled by his profession.

The man straightened, giving Harold a quick nod. "Hello Officer, I am very sorry about your loss."

"Thank you Officer?"

"Murphy."

"Officer Murphy, this woman here saved a young man from the water. He's in your infirmary as we speak and I believe after everything they have been through, she deserves the right to check on his condition."

"I've been given direct orders," Officer Murphy answered curtly.

"I understand as well as anyone what it means to follow orders sir. It's because I followed my commanding officer's order to row away from the ship so early that I left so many people stranded in the water. Please do not make the same mistake I did. Do not live with the regret of denying this woman the right to be with her loved one."

Rose watched the exchange in astonishment, sensing a shift in Officer Murphy's demeanour. She could swear that Harold's words had struck a cord in him. The intensity in the man's eyes seemed to have alleviated in a matter of seconds. The raw thin marks painting his features had stripped away for a moment and were instead replaced with a quiet sympathy as he looked between her and Harold.

"Fine," he answered. "Be quick."

The guard reached for the door to the infirmary, holding it open for them. "Thank you," Rose said to him as she walked through, feeling the security of Harold's presence behind her.

Officer Murphy wasn't lying when he had told her the infirmary would be overrun. The entire scene was chaotic. The nurses ran about frantically, clutching heavy pales of steaming water against their chests. Once at the bedside of their patients, they used the bins to saturate washcloths, wringing them out and patting them over the foreheads of the delirious. Soiled clothing and towels were strewn in bins around the room. Every cot was occupied, and makeshift beds had been built on the floor with blankets and pillows for the remaining survivors. People screamed for assistance, waling out for their families as the nurses tried to calm them down. Only three physicians were aboard the Carpathia but they moved about the room impressively, addressing each case and doing their best to treat everyone with the little supplies they had.

The whole situation was suffocating and Rose felt her ears begin to ring with anxiety.

 _Where are you?_

She looked around the room desperately searching for him and mistakenly kicking a pale of warm water beside one of the cots. If fell to the ground with a crash, strewing the liquid across the floor, making Rose jump. Feeling flustered, she turned quickly, bumping hard into Harold's chest.

"Miss?"

"I don't see him…" Her breathing was growing more rapid, and she had no idea how to control it. "Harold, I-I can't breath!"

Harold's eyes immediately became alert. He took her shoulders in his hands, pushing her into on a nearby chair and knelt down in front of her. "Miss everything is fine. You need to calm down."

She nodded, taking deep breaths and closed her eyes. It took a few moments, but she finally felt her breathing begin to steady. When she opened her eyes she was met with the same frenzied scene, but this time Harold's warm and comforting expression was staring back at her.

"We will find him. I promise."

He pulled her to her feet, and she took his arm once more as they continued to push through the heavy throngs of people around them.

It took them several minutes to find him and when they did, all Rose could do was stand at the edge of his cot, clutching at the blankets and stare.

"Miss how are you doing?"

"This isn't him," Rose whispered.

"Shall we keep looking then?"

She shook her head, "No, no it is…but this is wrong."

Jack lay on the cot swathed in blankets, unmoving. He was not the Jack she was used to but a seemingly lifeless shell. The beautiful tan of his skin seemed to have been drained from his body. Though he was not as blue as when they had first plucked him from the water, he was now had an unnatural purple hew. His once angelic eyes were deep with heavyset bags around them, remaining closed and still.

 _Oh Jack…_

Rose pierced her lips, feeling a sob building in her throat. What was she supposed to do? To think that somehow her presence would be enough to bring him back to her seemed like such a ridiculous prospect now. It didn't matter that they had been saved from the water, or if she doted by his bedside holding his hand. Jack was still dying. He was dying and she was useless.

Rose allowed the sob to finally consumer her, placing a hand to her mouth and collapsing to the floor.

"Miss, please. You need to get a hold of yourself, for the boy's sake."

"There's nothing I can do for him Harold-"

"Yes you can, just being here with him is enough."

"Except it's not!" Rose yelled, "I'm not strong enough for this! He's the strong one, I-I'm just..."

 _A silly girl. Naïve. Weak. Hopeless._

The words that had always followed Rose her entire life echoed in her mind. Her mother, believing she was nothing more than a child with puerile dreams had never once encouraged Rose's free spirit. Ruth always feared her daughter would grow out of hand, that she'd become rebellious, uncouth and unmanageable and for this reason Rose's upbringing had always been painfully sheltered. Little changed when she met Cal, who saw her as nothing more than his fiancé and someone he could bully into submission. Neither of them understood the vigour Rose possessed, or the zest for life she had always craved, no one but Jack who treasured the madcap side of her.

She was tired of being the fragile woman everyone had perceived her to be. That part of her had died along with the ship. She was her own woman now, tough enough to survive the sinking of an unsinkable ship and take control of her own life. Jack had always known she was capable, that she was stronger then she gave herself credit for. But it wasn't enough for Jack to believe in her…she also had to believe in herself. She had to be strong for both of them.

Rubbing her now bloodshot eyes, Rose sucked in a deep breath and exhaled regaining her composure. Harold looked back at her with a worried expression and she gave him a half smile hoping to reassure him. When she moved to get to her feet he took her arm in his, assisting her and allowing her to brush herself off.

"I'm sorry Harold, for losing myself there."

"Please don't apologize Miss, I can only imagine what you must be going through."

She glanced between him and Jack still lying on the cot. "Can I please have some time alone with him?"

Harold nodded, "I'll wait outside the doors, and escort you back to the deck when you're ready."

As he began to walk away Rose called after him. "My name is Rose by the way!"

Harold turned back, tilting his head toward her, "Excuse me miss?"

"If we plan on being friend's I think its best we're both on a first name basis don't you agree? No more of this Miss business."

A gentle smile spread across his lips, making Rose smile back in response.

"I'd like that very much Rose."

…

If there were solace in any of this, it would be that Jack seemed to be at peace. Had it not been for his unnatural complexion, she might have believed he was dreaming and for or a few moments all Rose could do was watch him. She sat beside him on the cot, her hand placed gently on his chest, feeling the slow rise and fall of his breathing. With each breath that left his lungs she felt relief. When she finally felt ready she slowly moved her hand up toward his face, stroking his cheek with the back of her fingertips.

"Hello Jack," she whispered. "I'm here with you...you're alright now. You'll be alright."

She was repeating the same words he had said to her when they first entered the water. She brushed a strand of hair from his forehead and gave him a weak smile. "I don't suppose you're on another adventure without me?"

He remained unmoving, and she hitched in a breath, doing her best to keep her emotions at bay. She hadn't expected him to answer, though a part of her desperately hoped he would; that Jack might suddenly open his eyes and say some kind of clever remark only he could think of.

"Well wherever you are, it's time for you to come back. You still need to show me that pier remember? I don't expect to ride horses on the beach alone, that just wouldn't do."

Silence.

"I'm not ready to lose you yet." She took his hand in hers, and squeezed it gently. "Maybe it's selfish to want a life with you Jack, but for once I'm going to be selfish. I need you to live, do you understand me? You need to live because I know we're not supposed to end like this. If I'm going to die an old lady warm in her bed, I want your arms to be wrapped around me when I go."

She stroked his hand with her thumb, leaning down and touching her forehead to his. Rose blinked, allowing the tears that had been threatening to fall to finally cascade down her cheeks and onto his skin. "Come back," she whispered against his mouth. "Don't leave me." She touched her quivering lips to his, allowing the kiss to linger for a few moments before pulling away.

She didn't want to leave his side, but knew it was only a matter of time before the Officer guarding the door would come looking for her. She pushed herself to her feet, stealing a final glance his way before retreating to the exit.

 _I can wait Jack…but please don't make me wait long._


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I know, I know...this chapter is long overdue. I'm really sorry about that, last month was insanely busy and it was hard to find time to write, but I'm hoping the wait was worth it. If you guys have time, could you please leave a review? I really would love to hear what you think! Thanks to those who have reviewed, faved and followed thus far and also for any support yet to come! I'll do my best to update soon and I hope you enjoy the fourth chapter of Holding on and Letting Go.**

Chapter 4: A Path Uncertain

A heavy rain fell over the Carpathia with a malevolent force, macerating all that was on deck as the ship rounded into New York Harbour. It was a trying journey for those on board, especially for the survivors. Not only had the liner been fraught with lightening storms, but neighbouring vessels had also sent iceberg warnings to the Carpathia's wireless operators. Unlike on the Titanic, these warnings were not taken lightly. Though it meant prolonging their arrival in the city, Captain Rostron was in no rush to test the elements the same way that Captain Smith had done. He had the better judgment to know when a structure built by man, stood no chance against the hands of god. Instead he ordered a detour, one that bypassed the icebergs, but unfortunately added an additional four hours to their travel. Finally by the late evening of April 18th, the passengers could make out the elusive glow of New York City in the distance.

Rose hugged herself tightly, rubbing her arms as she made her way into a gathering of black umbrellas. Though a crew-member had offered her an umbrella of her own, she politely denied his request, wanting to feel the patter of the rain as it fell onto her skin. The ship, which was now trudging toward the city, was bustling with activity. Many had collected themselves on deck, watching as the enormous jade statue of Lady Liberty grew taller before their eyes. Not wanting to become lost in the commotion, she allowed her feet to slow, taking a moment to gaze up and admire the figure for herself.

The light from the torch radiated delicately, glimmering in a thick mist that surrounded the statue's iron features. The site had no doubt come as a blessing to the other survivors who were eager to finally feel the safety of solid ground beneath their feat again. They moved with anticipation along the deck, impatiently pressing themselves onto the rails of the ship as they watched.

To Rose, the statue posed as symbol of her uncertainty. So many qualms still plagued her mind, and she couldn't help but wallow in them. Her biggest worry was for Jack.

Three days.

That's how long had passed since their rescue and Jack still had not woken up.

When it was finally permitted, Rose was able to visit him every day. Her time on the Carpathia had been spent entirely by his bedside. With each day, Jack was showing more progress. The natural colour was entering his complexion again and his breathing had stabilized. Though he remained in his arcane slumber and while it was comforting for Rose to witness his healing, the wait was also excruciating for her. She longed to reel in the splendour of hearing his voice again, to become lost in the bravura of Jack's blue orbs and to be engulfed by the warmth and protection of his embrace.

On more than one occasion she found herself becoming lost in whirlwind of terrible thoughts, afraid he might never return to her. On these days she was grateful to have Harold sit with her in the evenings. He posed as a wonderful distraction from the harsh reality of their situation. While Rose spent most of her time with Jack, she often times neglected her own care. Like the honourable friend that he was, Harold reminded Rose to eat when she forgot to. When she refused to sleep, he brought her books to read from the Carpathia's library and he had the canny ability to make her smile when he sensed her hopefulness was slipping. Today Harold was able to persuade Rose to take a break from her visit, insisting she go for a walk while he kept watch. It took a great deal of convincing, but Rose eventually relented, feeling her limbs growing stiff and reasoning that her own health was just as valuable as Jack's was.

Which is how she found herself, now sopping wet and staring into the face of New York's Statue of Liberty.

As she continued to allow the rain to drench her body, she hoped that if she waited long enough, it would wash away the immense trepidation she felt after being rescued. Though it seemed that even Mother Nature was tactless to her hopes. The drops simply graced her skin, drifting down her ivory cheeks before falling and disappearing into the puddle beneath her feet.

Inwardly her thoughts battled against each other, as she questioned what would become of her and Jack once the ship docked. Earlier that day, Captain Rostron had made an announcement informing passengers that ambulances would be at the pier, ready to transport survivors to St. Vincent's Hospital. Jack, being in the condition that he was, would likely be transferred for further care. Of course Rose planned to follow him to the hospital. Though she wondered how long she could stay there before the staff realized she was not in dire need of their services. She doubted they'd offer their accommodations to her, not with so many patients in far worse shape than she was.

A few hotels in the city had offered to house survivors for a few days. Perhaps that could be an option for her, to sleep at a hotel and visit Jack during the day. Except this meant being separated from him again. She felt a great deal of stress thinking of Jack waking up in a hospital bed to find her gone. There was also no way of knowing where her mother and Cal would end up. The possibility of confronting one of them in a hotel lobby was a risk far to great for her to take. Not as long as she wanted them to believe she had perished on the ship.

But if not the hospital or a hotel, where would she stay? It seemed quickly that she was running out of options.

For the first time ever, Rose had no plan ahead, no way of knowing what direction her life was headed. This was nothing like her old life, which had always been so formulaic. Each day was scheduled from the second she opened to her eyes till the moment she went to sleep. It made Rose feel shackled down and oppressed by her upbringing. Ever since she was a young she had yearned for more freedom. As she grew older, this yearning only grew fiercer, transforming into a complete desire to be detached from her high-class life all together. Now that she was, Rose was surprised to find a small part of her missing the familiarity she had grown accustomed to. She wasn't used to such independence because it was never afforded to her as a child. There was always a roof over her head, and someone there to wait on her hand and foot. Now she understood how terribly unprepared she was for what was to come in the real world. Rose not only had to care for herself, but she also had to worry about the wellbeing of another human being. Admittedly this scared her to death.

She bit the bottom of her lip, attempting to purge the worries from her mind. She couldn't allow herself to think that way and be sucked back into the torment of her old life simply because it was convenient. She just needed to remember that this was exactly what she wanted and that this life and all the unpredictability that came with it was a product of choosing to be with the man she loved.

She thought back to when she had jumped off the lifeboat to be with Jack. There was no question then about what she was doing. As she looked up to see him watching her descend from the Titanic, she could see the anguish it had caused him to let her go. He pushed her to get on the lifeboat when he couldn't, knowing full well that he'd probably die on the ship. He did it for her, and by doing so he sacrificed not only his chance at survival, but also his only chance to be with her. His jaw clenched to fight back tears, his earnest eyes met her own and as the signal flare was fired, drifting down in the night sky behind him, Rose had made her decision. She wouldn't let that be the last memory she had of him. Even if it meant having to give up her final opportunity to be on a lifeboat. Jumping back on the ship, with Jack protests following her, she pushed through the passengers on deck and dashed for the Grand Staircase. It was there she met him; his expression full of anger, frustration, disbelief and more than anything, the most deep and honest love a man could have for a woman. She hurled herself into his arms. He yelled at her for her recklessness, while kissing her for it all the same.

" _You jump I jump_ ," she reminded him when he had asked her why.

She still meant it.

Though it felt like she was going down a treacherous path with no way to guide herself into safer terrain, Rose knew that just like on the ship, Jack would be at the end of that path waiting to meet her.

Nothing about their relationship had been easy up until then, and she had no reason to believe that would change. While she pictured them disembarking from the Titanic together, fate had dealt them a different hand. She had to allow the pieces to fall where they may, and have faith that they could endure whatever else life was planning to throw at them. It didn't matter that she had no plan ahead. Rose would find a way to support them both, till the time came when Jack was ready to join her again.

She kept her eyes on the statue, feeling hope where she had previously felt indecision. " _We'll make it,"_ Rose thought _. "Together."_

Just then an Officer approached Rose, pulling her from her thoughts.

"Can I take your name please love?"

 _Her name?_ To say her actual name felt like a lie. She had come so far from the woman who first boarded the Titanic. That Rose was a stranger to her now.

She turned slowly, meeting the man eyes with a deep gaze. "Dawson," she answered, "Rose Dawson."

The name passed from her lips as if she had gone by it her entire life. The man thanked her, writing it on his clipboard before walking away. Turning back to the statue, she hoped one day she might take his name for real. She felt assured in knowing that on her wedding day, the man she'd marry would be out of love rather than obligation. Unlike with Cal, Rose could see herself having a future with Jack. She wanted him to be the only man she made love to at night and woke up to every morning. She imagined them traveling together and what they might experience. She wanted the elation of living on the edge and making memories out of their adventures. She pictured children, freckled and smiling with blue eyes just like their father's and fire read hair like their mother.

While caring for Jack on the Carpathia she found a nurturing inside of her that oddly enough she didn't know was there. Having never had a tender presence in her life, Rose used to wonder if it were even possible for her to care for someone in that way. She feared what a life with Cal could have ended up like. Her children might have grown up at the hand of a stern despot, with a mother who barely understood how to love herself, let alone them.

With Jack, these fears were nonexistent. She knew now what true love could feel like and she was excited to share this with not just him, but with their family one day.

Yet…the doubt inside of her was still itching and Rose wondered if she had overstepped a boundary somehow. Did Jack see the same life with her as she did with him? Their time together on the ship had been so fleeting. Never once did they talk about a real life together. Would he even want to get married? Jack was a wanderer after all, never quite settling in one place for an extended period of time. Yes, the idea of living the nomadic life with him downright intrigued her but when the time came for them to settle down together, she hoped that Jack's love for her would be enough to quell his inner impulse to keep on moving.

She hated how easy it was for her to overthink everything.

With a sigh Rose pushed her hands into the pockets of Cal's jacket, her fingers coming into contact with something solid and rigid. Furrowing her brows in confusion, she took hold of the item, pulling it from the pocket. To her astonishment, the Heart of the Ocean gleamed magnificently in her hand.

" _How?"_ She thought. With wide eyes she turned the stone over in her fingers, examining it and realizing Cal's mistake.

He must have gone back to their room and taken the diamond from the safe after she left to rescue Jack. Then while Jack was urging her to get on the lifeboat, Cal had suddenly appeared, throwing his Jacket over her shoulders. Unwittingly, he had also given her the diamond. Rose assumed he would be frenetic by this point, having not only lost his fiancé in the sinking but also his prized necklace. Though it wasn't as if she could simply give the diamond back to him, not without giving herself up as well.

Rose let out a small titter, comprehending the situation. "I just can rid myself of you can I?"

She hoped that Cal would accept the loss and move on with his life, though she knew better. Greed had made him do horrible things. It drove Cal to a point of murderous violence on the ship. She could only imagine what he would be capable of if the necklace ever fell into the wrong hands.

The damn thing was just as heavy and vile in her palm as it was the first night Cal had placed the necklace around her neck. She wanted to toss it over the rails right then and there and allow the ocean to swallow it whole. Except…something inside her was hesitating, and she was reminded of the night Jack drew her. She blushed remembering how her hands trembled as she disrobed, baring nothing but the diamond against her chest. Jack, nervous as he seemed looked at her with so much longing. It took everything not to quench the lust burning between them in that moment. The thought made her insides tingle with warmth. The feeling was enough to make Rose reconsider her decision to get rid of the necklace and discreetly she slipped it back into her pocket

Her mind still on the diamond, she hadn't even noticed the rushed footsteps making their way toward her.

"Rose!"

Rose jumped, hearing Harold's voice, and turned to see him struggling through the crowd of passengers on deck. "Rose!"

Rose, seeing the urgent expression on Harold's face began to push her way toward him. "Harold, I'm coming!" She called over the other passengers.

She only made it a few steps before realizing Harold was not with Jack. Freezing in place, she could feel herself falling back into a pattern of dark thoughts. Her stomach twisted with a viscous intent, her eyes growing wet with tears.

 _He has to be okay…he just has to be._

Finally Harold closed the distance between them, practically stumbling into her as he did so. She took his arms, steadying him as he caught his breath.

"This ship is larger than I thought." He placed a hand to his chest, "Thank the lord I found you."

Rose's grip tightened on Harold's arm. "Why aren't you with Jack?" She whispered, regretting the moment the words left her mouth and afraid what his answer might be.

Surprisingly, a wide smile spread across his lips, "He's awake Rose!"

Rose stared back at him, her mouth agape and dry with disbelief.

"Rose did you hear me? Jack is awake!"

She swallowed, "He-he's awake?"

Harold nodded reassuringly and she let out a sound, something between a gasp and a laugh of utter excitement and happiness. "He's awake!" She yelped."How is he? My goodness I-I need to see him!"

"He's weak, but he asked for you. You'll have to loosen your hold on me if you're going to go down there."

Rose blinked, seeing that her nails were still dug deeply into Harold's arms. "Oh my, I'm sorry Harold!" She exclaimed, releasing her grip and instead engulfing him in a tight hug. "Thank you! Thank you so much for everything."

The two ran together across the ship, Rose not caring about the odd glances they were getting from other passengers as they passed. Tears fell from her eyes, disappearing amidst the drops of rain that continued to whip at her skin. She cried not because Jack was gone but because after all these days, the gutter rat, the artist, the small town boy from Chippewa Falls Wisconsin, whom so many misjudged was still enduring all-odds. Jack Dawson had made it back to her.

…

 **A/N: I know you were probably hoping for some fluffy Jack and Rose interaction by now, but I promise a ton of that is coming up in the next chapter. You'll want to stick around! Again, any reviews, follows and favs are much appreciated and I can't thank you guys enough for reading :-)**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hey readers, I'm very sorry about the delayed update for this Chapter, truth is writers block has been picking a difficult battle for me the past months. Also with juggling other responsibilities, writing has been particularly hard to do. I'm happy to finally post this for you guys :-) I hope you like it. It's quite a long Chapter, but if your a patient reader it will be well worth it. Thanks for all the support and I can't thank those who have reviewed and favourited enough. Your my biggest motivation to keep on writing. If you do have time to leave a review, please do so, I always appreciate the feedback. Once again, thank you and hope you enjoy the fifth chapter to Holding on and Letting Go!**

Chapter 5: A Simple Reality

Having been in a faraway state on unconsciousness for the past three days, Jack Dawson was not ready to be awakened by the overwhelming lustre of the ceiling lamp hanging above his cot.

The brightness, unexpected and excruciating, shook through Jack with lightning like intensity immediately forcing him to shut his eyes again. With his pupils burning like cinders, he tried instead to concentrate on the fragments of lingering light that now danced in his closed view. Playfully, the spots moved across the black canvas of his mind, like colourful pebbles being pushed across the sand by ocean surfs. He waited till the last pebble of painted light began to fade, before slowly raising his lids again.

The world came back to him all at once and the sights and sounds of the Carpathia's infirmary blurred into focus. With a squint and a grunt, Jack's felt the overflow of senses wash over him.

He blinked against the searing images that caused tears to stream down his cheeks and against the avalanche of white that greeted him. He looked out to a collection of white steel walls, white sheets, white pillows and white curtains that circled the white cot he was laying on. He was in a dispensary, and the realization made his stomach twist uneasily.

Jack felt uncomfortable being in places like this. It wasn't just because of the dismal atmosphere that seemed to surround him at every turn. His true unease stemmed from the night of the fire.

He remembered having to be dragged kicking and screaming from the burning wreck of the barn his parents had been trapped in. Thrown, into an ambulance and brought to a room just like this one. He had been forced to wait there while the doctors examined his parent's bodies. There was a social worker at his side, her wiry limbs wrapped around his shoulders, her scissor fingers squeezing his arm in a vain attempt to be reassuring. He wanted so badly to shrug her off. To stop smelling her lavender perfume that mixed with the scent of her mothball dress and the bleached clinic floors. No one had the gull to tell him his parents were dead yet. They didn't have to. He had seen the fire, smelled the ash of all his memories and dreams drift through the air into nothingness. He felt the heat of the inferno demon that had stolen his mother's sunlit smile and her sweet tea laughter. Which had robbed him of his father's embrace, and the feeling of his callous covered hands around Jack's body. They were the kind of hugs a man who had worked everyday of his existence just to build a better life for his family could only give.

Eventually the social worker left the room, only to come back a few minutes later with a saddened pout on her face. It was so disingenuous in its delivery Jack wanted to hurl a bedpan at her stupid head. She sat beside him once more on the hospital cot, taking his hands in her lap. She not only had scissor fingers, she also had sandpaper palms.

" _I'm very sorry Jack…"_ she said to him. He didn't hear the rest. His ears rang so loudly that anything she said after made no sense. She ushered him into the back seat of a car. Drove him back to the farm, allowed him to gather a few belongings from the farmhouse and then they were off.

" _Where are we going?"_ the then fifteen-year-old Jack had asked the woman. A woman he had never met before that day. A woman he was supposed to now trust with the rest of his life.

" _You can sleep at my house tonight, tomorrow morning we can figure out the rest."_

" _Can I go home?"_

" _You can't, not yet Jack."_

" _When?"_

Silence.

" _Does this mean I'm going to live in an orphanage now?"_

She didn't answer. The rest of the ride was quiet. He didn't cry. Not that night. Not until after she was asleep. After he had slipped out the window of the social worker's guest room. Scuttled across her lawn to the dirt road on which he ran for miles to make it to the Chippewa Fall's train station. There he sold his first sketch, to a hooded man on a station bench. It was a drawing of his mother picking apples off the giant Winesap tree in their front yard. His father, who was lying on the hammock next to her, was all cheekbones and charm as he watched her. It had been one of those truly special moments in their relationship and he managed to capture it perfectly. He grabbed the drawing, along with a few others off his desk in the few minutes the social worker had allowed him. He didn't want to part with it, and held on a few extra seconds while handing it over to the man. Sure he had other nice sketches, but leaving this one behind felt wrong. He tried to barter and sell his others.

" _I'll sell you the robin and the sunflower instead? You don't even have to pay me extra."_

The man shook his head, _"I don't want those."_

" _What about the kids on the Ferris Wheel?"_

Again the man shook his head, still holding onto his end of the sketch. " _It's this one or you get nothing."_

Jack pierced his lips. How could he do it? How was he supposed to hand over his parents to this random stranger? He could never.

But he did. He let go of the sketch. He allowed the strange man to take them away, and place the few coins in his hand that he needed in order to buy a train ticket. It was a one-way ticket to Minnesota. He didn't cry that night. No, he waited till after he had stepped off the train the next morning. Until his feet had touched new pavement and his bag felt so heavy with guilt, he felt his arm might fall off. He allowed his body to slump, his knees to buckle and his sobs to escape loud and hysterical across the station.

He had left them. Left them to burn in the barn. Left them in the hands of strange man at a train station. Left them behind in Chippewa Falls.

And they had left him, utterly and wholly on his own. Forever.

…

Since leaving Chippewa Falls, Jack had tried to lock away those memories of his parents for good. In fact they were his biggest motivation when it came to travelling. He felt like if he kept himself occupied, on the move and always the wayfarer then he'd never have the chance to get lost in his own head. Still, there were times like this, moments of complete unrest where he had nothing to do but allow his mind to wander.

With a throaty sigh, he rebelled against the thoughts plaguing his mind and instead focused on making sense of where he was. He attempted to recall the events of the past few days, but remembered little besides the darkness that had followed the whistle.

 _Rose's whistle!_

Jack mentally chided himself. So caught up in the weight of his past and the gravity of his revival, she hadn't entered his mind until now.

Glancing around, he could see little past the curtain and in a quick move attempted to sit up and get a better look. Almost immediately his body succumbed to the weight and he fell back against the fabric as though he were emulsified to it. There was little he could do besides lay there like a useless slump. He feared that if he tried to move, the weakness of his limbs would giveaway, crumble beneath him like old concrete would and sift away into powder.

He let out a frustrated groan. Rose had sacrificed her own well being just to bring him to safety, yet she herself was not safely beside him. The thought maddened Jack to no end. All he wanted was to see Rose and confirm what he hoped to be true; that she was alive and death had failed in doing what it threatened to do that night.

He closed his eyes, imagining her smiling like an August rain, pure, warm and all consuming.

For a moment he became lost in that thought. Only when he raised his lids, did Jack feel the suffocation of loneliness begin to set in. The feeling was one he knew all to well, and he thought he had forgotten. Rose had made him vulnerable again. She was someone worth cherishing but also someone who could hurt him.

He wasn't sure how to feel about this. He had gone so long trying to keep himself from caring too strongly for anyone. But in a matter of three days, Rose had shattered his walls to bits. She came storming through, falling into his arms… _literally;_ and he had fallen just as hard for her.

Now all he could do was ask himself, " _What If I lost her?"_

He knew the likelihood of his own survival was slim. To say they had both survived was near impossible.

But he had survived. Somehow Jack had managed to cheat the odds. Couldn't the same be said for Rose? In the short time he had known her, she had done nothing but surprise him time and time again. They had fought assiduously together against her family and class. She was ready to give up everything just to be with him. How could a love like theirs not persevere?

It was in the middle of Jack's mental sprawling that a man he had never seen before entered the curtain surrounding Jack's cot. The man, a tall thinly built Officer, seemed completely oblivious to Jack lying there awake. Temporarily distracted from his worries, Jack watched in confusion as the Officer took a seat in the chair next to him. With a sandwich pressed between his lips, and a steaming mug of coffee in one hand, the man fumbled to retrieve a book from his Jacket pocket. Once the book was freed, he laid it across his lap flipping through the pages and began to read. Despite his current situation, Jack couldn't help but find man's ignorance amusing. That and the fact that he still had the sandwich pressed between his lips as he read.

After a moment of waiting, it became clear the Officer wasn't going to notice him any time soon and Jack finally opened his mouth to speak.

"Eh hem…"

He didn't mean to startle the man, but he understood why he had. To be honest, hearing his own voice for the first time in days scared even him. He sounded like his vocal cords had been stretched through a meat grinder, and the noise came out more like a monstrous gurgle. The theatrics to follow were much less anticipated.

"Wholly hell!" the man cried out. With a jump to his feat the seat beneath him crashed to the floor with a BANG! The sandwich, which had only seconds ago been ready for the man's consumption was now a mess of scattered food upon the sheets. The mug that had gone flying from his fingers had shattered against the wall. Its steaming contents splashed onto Jack's face, causing him to cry out his own string of blasphemous profanities.

"Jesus Christ!" Jack yelled, as he shook the amber droplets out of his hair and blinked against the coffee that now seeped its way into his orifices. As his vision cleared, he looked up to see the man staring at him. An expression of complete shock and awe spread across his face, eyes wide, mouth pulled into a distinct O shape.

"Y-you're awake…you're actually awake!"

Jack felt a drop of coffee run its way down his cheek, and moaned. "Sure am. Tell me fella, do you always introduce yourself to people like this? Or am I just special?" By now his tone had eased and was practically near normal.

The man let out a small laugh, "I'm very sorry about that, just wait a minute, I'll fetch something to clean that up," he turned to scurry off before stopping in his tracks and doubling back to embrace Jack in tight hug. Jack flinched, unsuspecting of the contact. "She'll be so relieved to see you're awake!" the man whispered, before pulling away and disappearing through the curtain. He had left so quickly, Jack barely had time to comprehend what was said. Eventually he returned, towel in hand, a glass of water in the other and a man in white at his rear.

"I thought it best to have the doctor examine you," the man stated as he picked the remaining food of the sheets. "You've been asleep for quite some time."

Jack didn't know this man, and should have been distrustful of his willingness to be so helpful. If he had learned anything from his time spent on the street, it was that people didn't just help others without expecting something in return. Good intentions always seemed to be hidden behind a much darker guise of deception.

"Please…" The man urged, seeming to sense Jack's apprehension. "It's important we check on your condition."

Perhaps it was just a gut feeling or the way the officer stared back at him, eyes honest and beseeching, but Jack felt there was something about this man he should trust. He had no reason to explain it, but he felt is his guard beginning to fall, allowing the other man in the white robe to approach him.

"Sit up," the Doctor ordered. His voice though not impolite was stern as he rummaged through his pocket, pulling out his tools.

Again Jack attempted to sit up but like the time before he felt his body succumb to the stress. As he did, the Officer stepped forward and in a swift move was at Jack's side, reaching for him.

"Hey! What are you…?" It didn't take long for his words to trail off as the man slung an arm around Jack's torso and carefully hoisted him to a sitting position.

"Better?"

Jack's brows furrowed and he stared at the man with a mixture of surprise and gratitude. "Much better, err uh…thank you."

"Now that you're awake you'll have plenty of time to regain your strength."

Jack nodded and the doctor sat next to him. "I must say lad, we weren't so sure you were going to make it." Stethoscope in hand, he placed the diaphragm against Jack's chest ordering him to take a few deep breaths. Jack did as he was told, feeling tension in his chest as he did so.

"You were suffering from a severe case of Hypothermia when you came to us. We administered warm fluid through intravenous on the first night that you arrived, it was the only way we could to stabilize your temperature. But as I would suspect, the drastic toll that the Ocean has taken on your body has also contributed to the acidosis of fresh blood moving through your system."

"Acidosis?" The doctor might as well have been speaking gibberish to Jack, his words making little sense to the broken boy lying on the bed.

"It refers to the increase of acidic material in your blood, thus thrusting you natural PH levels into an imbalance. The condition is often induced from a drastic cooling in one's body temperature. Something you have obviously experienced. While the IV has helped in countering the acidity, you'll have to do your part and keep hydrated in order to encourage fresh and steady blood flow between your heart and lungs. Otherwise your condition could worsen. Simple breathing exercises might prove beneficial as well."

Jack nodded, "So I'm supposed to drink a lot and try to keep breathing? Sounds easy enough."

The doctor's mouth pulled into a straight line, clearly not liking Jack's coy response. "This is really not a matter to be taken lightly young man. That Ocean nearly killed you."

Jack bit his tongue. He hated the way the man spoke down to him as if Jack didn't already understand how lucky he was to be alive.

The doctor didn't seem to notice Jack's irritation as he continued with his examination, pulling a strap from his pocket and wrapping it securely over Jack's forearm. He pumped the bulb of the strap a few times, allowing it to tighten before placing the diaphragm on Jack's wrist and releasing. Listening for a few moments, he hummed and hawed to himself before settling his features into a tight frown. "Blood pressure is quite high, but it's to be expected coming back from such a stressful ordeal." He released Jack from the equipment, patting the items back into the pockets of his Jacket. "The important thing is to keep hydrated, and rested. At this point, that's really all you can do. With mobility your muscles will build their strength again. The body is a curious thing, give it time, and it will heal."

The man stood then, readying himself to exit the curtain before stopping suddenly and turning back to face Jack with a pointed look of curiosity.

"The abrasions on your wrist are taking some time to heal…"

Jack looked down, noticing for the first time since he woke up that there were deep purple bruises winding his wrists from where the handcuffs had been fastened.

The doctor tilted his head slightly, "Odd really…I've never had a patient come to me with handcuffs on their wrist, broken ones at that."

He felt the sting of suspicion dripping from the Doctor's tongue and Jack narrowed his eyes at the man. There was no explaining the entirety of his ordeal to a stranger who clearly already had it in his head that Jack was a criminal. What would he even say?

" _Yes sir, you're right, those bruises are from handcuffs. You see I fell in love with a woman who's fiancé framed me for robbery. Got me arrested. Had me chained in a part of the ship where no one would ever find me or hear my calls for help and had the full intention of wanting me dead."_

No, this was not a man who would ever understand Jack's love for Rose and why it drove him to do the things he did. He'd judge him for courting a woman above his class, for stepping out of line and for certainly stealing what wasn't his.

He felt the man waiting for an answer and coughed, "About that-

"With all do respect sir, don't you think that he's been through quite enough?" It was the Officer who spoke now. He had his arms crossed, leering at the Doctor with a firm expression of annoyance. "The last thing he needs now is to be accosted with questions and accusations, especially not by someone who will never know what it means to endure what this young man has been through."

Jack pierced his lips, hiding the grin pulling at the corner of his mouth as the doctor's cheeks turned scarlet red with embarrassment.

With quick a glare to the Officer, he turned to Jack, "It's a miracle that you are here son. Many weren't as fortunate. I only hope with the chance you've been given, you'll use this opportunity to make better choices in life."

And without another word, he walked off.

Jack let out a scoff, "Encouraging that one." When he looked over at the Officer he could see that man's mouth was twitching. He stared straight, watching the space in the curtain where the Doctor had just disappeared.

"You alright fella?"

"I apologize for that man. It a sad to see someone shoved so completely far up their own arse."

Jack chuckled, "I wish I could say I'm not used to that sort of thing, but I am. Most people don't tend to see passed what's on the surface. Or don't want to."

The officer sighed, "The important thing is that you're awake and should be back on your feet in a few days." He gave a soft smile, "You really have swell timing too, we'll be docking in New York shortly."

"Docking?"

"We're on the RMS Carpathia," The Officer clarified, "It was the only ship close enough to rescue all the survivors."

Jack felt a deep sadness building within him. He had so many plans for when the Titanic was supposed to dock in New York. He was going to get Fabritzio settled; find him work and a place to live so he could send for his family. Then when he knew his friend could manage, he and Rose were going to travel. He'd show her everything he had promised. She'd experience things she never could in that button down world of gentlemen and well brought up ladies. Rose wasn't one of them, she was a woman…vivacious in every way. He could see the adventurer in her eyes, the longing for her own self-autonomy. Together, they were supposed to face the world head on, no rules, and no barriers. Just two practical strangers, who seemed to understand each other better then blood.

The Officer stared at Jack, "What's wrong?"

Jack shook his head, fighting back a wave of emotion. "I'm just so confused-"

"You've been asleep three days, I can imagine this is all very overwhelming but I'll try to answer what I can."

 _Three days?_ Jack couldn't believe that three days had passed, and he had no inkling of the time escaping him.

"What do you remember?"

"Not much," Jack answered honestly. "What happened after the ship sank?"

"We waited," the Officer began, his features falling shamefully, "...For the screams to die down, so we wouldn't get swarmed. The other's they didn't want to, but I forced them to go back. I just couldn't bear leaving so many behind in that water. You were one of the first people we found alive. Though when we pulled you out, we thought you were already gone. I've never seen someone so close to death before."

A realization dawned on Jack, and he looked up incredulously, "You were the voice…"

It wasn't a question. Hearing this man's voice now, Jack was able to finally piece together small fragments of that night. How the man had shouted to him and Rose, calling out to them to hold on. Jack understood now why he had initially trusted this stranger. It was because this was the man who had saved him.

"Name's Harold Lowe."

"Jack Dawson."

"It's good to meet you Jack, I wasn't so sure I'd get the chance to after the other night."

Jack felt his heart thumping in his chest, ready to prod the man for more answers. He had to know what happened to her. "Then you must know Harold, I was with a woman that night-

"Oh I know; she's the reason you are lying here right now. If it weren't for her, we might have overlooked you."

Jack eyebrows furrowed questioningly, "Rose?"

"Yes. She wouldn't let us leave you behind. When she demanded that I check you were breathing, she practically ripped my badge of herself." He chuckled, "You got an amazing woman. I tell yeah, she's barely left your side for more than a minute since we boarded."

He felt his body buzzing with a newfound feeling of effervescence. The energy radiated, tingling under his once numb skin. He felt cognizant, aware for the first time in days that he was not alone. The simple thought was enough to make Jack practically fly of the handle.

"She's alive, whoa!" Jack whooped, his excitement contrasting the dim atmosphere of the infirmary and making Harold start at his out burst. "I knew it, I knew she could do it. Yes Rose!"

"Jack please calm down, remember you need to rest-

 _Screw rest,_ Jack thought. Rose was alive and if she was alive he needed to see her.

"Where is she? Why isn't she here?"

"I'm afraid that's my fault, I told her to go for a walk along deck. She looked so exhausted, I thought some fresh air might do her some good."

"Is she alright?" Jack asked, concern washing over his excitement.

Harold nodded, "She's quite alright, please don't think to much of it. She was just so worried about you. With all her attention spent making sure you were taken care of, a part of her seemed to forget she needed to care for herself as well."

Jack frowned, hating himself for putting such a strain on Rose, even if he had never intended to.

He attempted to push himself off the bed and Harold immediately placed two hands on his chest stopping him. "Ah ah wait, where do you think you are going?"

"I can't just stay here, I need to find her."

"No, you need to lay down. She'll be back any minute now."

Jack shook his head, "I've waited three days-I can't wait any longer." He pushed against Harold once more, but the man stood firm, holding him in place. Still weak, Jack could do little to rebel. He looked at Harold, eyes begging, "Harold please I have to see her."

Harold contemplated this for a moment, "I told her I would watch over you, that I wouldn't leave you alone-

"She doesn't even know I'm awake, who knows what must be going through her mind right now. Do you really think she'd want to wait any longer then I do?"

Harold sighed, considering this. Jack knew little about this man but he could sense that in the time he had been a way, Rose had made an impression on him. Perhaps not in the same way she had with him, but in a manner of friendship that Jack could see Harold valued and wanted to keep sacred.

"Alright," Harold finally conceded. "I'll go find her, but you need to stay right here and rest."

Jack grinned, thanking Harold as he stood to retreat through the curtains. "Stay put." Harold ordered one last time, before disappearing.

…

It felt like he had been waiting there for hours, when truthfully only minutes had passed. The anticipation was torturous, as he lay in the cot, every small noise catching his attention and tickling at his impatience. He wondered what it would be like to see her again and what he would say. He felt his body growing nervous, and he could do little to control the tremors running through him. Finally after what seemed an eternity Jack heard the commotion of hurried footsteps running through the infirmary, quiet at first and than bolting and brash in his direction. It happened so suddenly. The curtain was tossed aside, and there she stood. Gasping, eyes swollen, her red curls loose and dripping, cheeks flushed against her pale skin. She was a mess but still, she was completely stunning to him.

Frozen in place, she stared at him with watery eyes. He stared back, breathing deeply.

Silence.

Jack swallowed, daring to speak "Hi…"

It was all he could say in that moment, her mere presence was enough to keep him completely dumbstruck.

Her lips trembled and she walked slowly toward him. He straightened as she came close, sitting beside him on the cot. She looked him over, her eyes wide, as though not sure he was actually awake and in front of her.

He sucked in a breath when her fingertips touched him, caressing the softness of his skin and up his forearm. "You're here," she whispered, her voice catching in her throat. He wasn't sure if she was saying this to him, or to convince herself.

"Yeah," Jack simply answered. He felt her energy. Delicate at first as though she were purposely teasing him and then explosive like she had just clutched every nerve in his body, latching on and shaking them like a shockwave. He let out a breath, unable to control his own tears. "We both are."

She looked up and their gaze met. "I can't believe it. I-I thought-

She didn't finish; instead she reached up to place her hand on his cheek. "I was so scared." He leaned into her touch.

"I never wanted to leave you," He answered.

She caressed his cheek, sniffling and letting out an unsure laugh. "I don't know if this is real."

He could say the same.

She leaned in to embrace him tightly. She cried into his neck, and he wrapped his arms around the softness of her body. He held her firmly, tenderly as though any minute, reality would hit and he'd realize it was all a dream.

She squeezed him tighter and he felt the pressure of their chests pressed together.

Her hair was wet against his shoulder. A drop fell from one of the strands, dripping beneath the cloth of his shirt and down his back.

 _Real._

He felt the warmth of her breath against his chin as she pulled back, her face only inches from his.

 _So real._

He closed the distance and their lips touched, parting against one another's. She tasted sweet, and he indulged in every second of kissing her.

In that moment he knew it, and so did she. Nothing could make them doubt what they were feeling. They had survived…and together they were going to build their own reality.

…


End file.
